So, I was perusing The Onion’s AV Club and saw their “The Knights Who Say Nerd: 20 Pop Culture Obsessions Even Geekier Than Monty Python” and it got me thinking…

Not about how lame The Onion’s list is – anyone who spends time on the con scene can swap out at least half those slots – but on being a nerd versus being a geek.

I think you can be both depending on circumstances. A lot of people are nerds or geeks about one thing or another, even if they wouldn’t apply the label to themselves. For example, the FOX Football Pregame Assholes are nerds, just about football. Except for Howie Long. He’s a bioengineered organism sent by aliens to determine if we’re worth invading, and what the potential casualties would be should an invasion be deemed worthwhile. If millions of people are stupid enough to watch him, we’re a soft target.

Let’s start with definitions. You’re a nerd about a particular subject if you know more about said subject than 99.8 percent of the population. Part of true nerdhood is showing off your knowledge by getting into bitter arguments over it, be it Kirk vs. Picard or computer OS choice or whether Bobby Knight should be deified and have samples of his DNA frozen for the benefit of future generations or let Mike Krzyzewski use him for skeet practice.

(I’m in the latter camp, but I admire Knight’s stance on clean recruitment and academic performance.)

Geekdom, to me, is a little more footloose and fancy free. Being a geek on a subject just means you have an enthusiasm for a subject and enough taste to allow you to distinguish the good from the bad. There’s a certain element of “Ooooo! Teh shiny!” in geekdom.

Of course, you’re welcome to differ. But this is my blog, so I’ve got the implicit right to half-assed opinions about whatever I choose for the day’s topic. For fully-assed opinions, consult a reference librarian. Really! They’re like Jedi Knights with LexisNexis (which sounds like a girl/girl porno, if you ask me) instead of lightsabers.

Anyway, here’s five things I’m a nerd about

1. George Orwell - Talking about Orwell would take up a whole post and then some, but I’ve read all his books, his collected essays, three biographies, and some of his collected letters, though I don’t much like reading letters because I feel it’s a bit of an invasion of privacy. I think I could go toe-to-toe with someone doing a Master’s Thesis on Orwell and hold up my end. He just strikes me as admirable, both as a writer and an individual. He certainly made all the right enemies in life (fascists, Nazis, apologists for Stalin) to the point of putting down his pen and picking up a rifle.


2. Russian/East European History I studied Russian in college so I could get a better handle on the history and literature. But Polish, Czech, and tangled Balkan histories interest me too, from the Goths vs. Romans on. I was very fortunate to study under W. Bruce Lincoln (a great writer of historical narratives and an expert on the Romanovs) and Albert Resis (wrote the article on Lenin for Encyclopedia Britannica) in college. Oh, I know a shitload of Polish swearwords too.


3. H.P. Lovecraft and Robert E. Howard - I sort of hesitate to put these under nerdom because I’m enough of a nerd to know that there are people out there who know way, way more than I do, but I’ve made an effort to at least acquire, and in Lovecraft’s case, read, all their published fiction, at least that’s commonly available (I’ve still got to get through a few more prizefighter stories and westerns by Howard). I’ve read bios on each and Novalyne Price Ellis ’s The One Who Walked Alone about her turbulent relationship with Howard (made into a really great movie called The Whole Wide World with Vincent D’Onofrio and Renée Zellweger – I’ve show this movie to literally dozens of people and every one of them has loved it). Anyway, I can talk about them for (as Leslie Nielsen might say) a loooooooong time.


4. Home Theater - I don’t think I’ve talked about this much on my blog but I’m always “developing” my home theater system. I’ve got a pretty nice one, a Sharp Aquos LCD, 7.1 surround, Sunfire subwoofer, and some good speakers and Blu-ray and DTS and all that. I’ve put it together in bits and pieces over the years. Usually I get top of the line stuff (without getting into the 10k range for receivers and that sort of thing, I’m talking more ordinary consumer stuff than audiophile equipment), I just wait for clearance sales and buy stuff that was top of the line two years ago. I’m always looking at CNET reviews for electronics and Chats can use Best Buy as a husband babysitter while she goes and does something interesting. You'll find me in "The Big Room." And I like picking fights with Sony Kool-Aid drinkers.


5. Shatner - Duh. I keep meaning to start my own Church of The Holy Shat, except I’m a little worried about Bill suing me. But it would be fun to do Sunday Church of Shatner services at cons, get together and “rap” with the “young people” and introduce them to Eternal Life in Syndication. There’s just so much that today’s youth need to hear. Shatner offers guidance on many of the complicated issues facing troubled teens today. And. I. Could. Do. Sermons. In. My. . Shatner. . Voice. Plus if you run your own church you get absolutely crazy tax deductions on, like, everything, and I want to be able to marry people with the semi-spooky TOS love scene music playing in the background.

And five things I’m a geek about

1. Postwar Men’s Entertainment - Again, if you’ve been following this blog you know that I’m into the Sweats and Grindhouse Sexploitation. I also have a collection of Playboy kitsch, though I really wish Hef would be more grandfatherly to the playmates and cut it out with the octogenarian swinger stuff. As Florence King put it, there’s a time to quit being the belle and take up the duties of the chaperone.


2. Tarot Decks - I’ve never had a Tarot reading in my life but I find the decks fascinating. I think the symbology yanks something out of the collective unconscious by the roots. That or I just saw Live and Let Die at an impressionable age, I’m not sure which.


3. Beautiful Books - Leather bound, gilt edged, thick, creamy paper. It’s rather erotic, isn’t it? You bookhounds know what I mean. I’m always salivating over the Easton Press catalog.


4. Small Arms - I’m a gun nut, but nothing like an expert. Therefore the geekery classification. Chats is always chiding me for picking up yet another gun book.


5. Freemasonry - It’s interesting how deeply woven Freemasonry is into English and American culture. I’ve got several of the major books, but I think my favorite is Born In Blood (its highly disputable thesis is thumbnailed in the movie National Treasure). Oh, and a Freemasonry Tarot Deck, like that’s a surprise. I suppose Dan Brown’s next novel is going to shit all over what is overwhelmingly an honorable tradition.

So, what are you a nerd about? How about some favorite geekdoms?